Theatre Group 5 Project #1

The requirements for this project are: you must mention everybody’s name, age grade, major, and something else (maybe a greatest fear, or some cool fact)

It’s a house party. The only props we had were Solo cups and a guitar, though I substituted a bottle of sweet tea because I was the DD. There are girls standing and sitting around a guy gently picking at a guitar. Most of the girls are ogling the guy. There are two people standing away from the group, gesturing and miming conversation.

-Connor is walking past the party; Alec sees him, approaches, and begins a conversation-
Alec: What’s up dude, Connor my man!
Connor: Uh, hi, who are you?
Alec: I’m Alec. (Connor looks confused). A sophomore. (Connor still doesn’t know who he is) I went white water kayaking in the Rocky Mountains for 2 weeks! (Conner remains perplexed)
Connor: Wait, whats’s your major?
Alec: I’m undecided.
Connor : *smiling* Oh yeah, I remember you, what’s up?
Alec: Just hangin’ out. (Alec hands Connor a cup of punch) Here, have some punch that my boy Terry made for us.
Connor: Who’s Terry?
Alec: My theatre teacher.
-a moment passes-
Connor: What’s his major?
Alec: Theatre. That’s the best major! (Guitar stops, everyone gives Terry a thumbs up). Hey man, let me go introduce you to everybody.
-They walk over to the two guys standing apart from the guitarist-
Alec: Yo, these are my pals Noah and Michael.
Connor: *shakes hands with both* Hello, I’m Connor. I’m a junior and a management major.
Noah: *sarcastically* Is there anything else you wanna tell us about yourself?
Connor: I once saved a woman from a burning building.
Noah: *blinks with raised eyebrows*
Alec: But bro, this guy, Noah, he’s an Eagle Scout.
Michael: And I play Frisbee for UT.
Connor: What’re y’alls major?
Michael: Finance.
Noah: Chemistry.
Connor: Oh, y’all must be freshmen.
Noah & Michael: *grin and shrug*
Alec: Noah, man, why aren’t you drinking this Terry Juice?
Noah: I’m the DD.
Brian: Well, I don’t know if you want to be drinking it anyway, this Terry Juice tastes kind of weird.
Alec: *over-the-top slurring words and stumbling* I don’t know what you’re talking about man, I feel great!
-the conversation stops for a moment and the only noise is the guitar-
Connor: Who’s the guy with the guitar?
Alec: That’s, uh, guitar guy. He just kind of shows up at every party. I don’t really know who he is.
Connor: Hey, GUITAR GUY! What’s your major?
Guitar guy: Undecided.
One of the girls ogling the guitarist: *in a lovestruck manner* That’s Brian, he’s a freshman with his own YouTube channel, and he’s my boyfriend.
Another girl ogling the guitarist: *haughtily* No, that’s MY boyfriend!
-both girls stand up-
First girl: Who are you?
Second girl: I’m Caty. Who are YOU?
First girl: Alexa.
Caty: You’re just a lame freshman.
Alexa: You may be a sophomore, but I climbed the Alps.
Caty: Well I’m Miss Knoxville. *gives the audience a fabulous fashion-show pose*
Connor: Hey, what’s y’alls majors?
Caty: *glances at Alexa like “what’s with this guy”* Uh, Business Administration.
Alexa: *shrugs like “I have no idea”* Finance.
Connor: *nodding* Those are cool majors.
Brian: *slowly, smoothly, seductively, erotically* Ladies, ladies, calm down. There’s enough of me to go around. Sit down, I’ve got another song for you. I wrote this one over the summer. I dedicate it to Terry Juice. *impromptu toast* It’s called… “Water”.
-He begins playing the same song-
-A gaggle of girls wanders over to Alec-
Elizabeth: (Elizabeth, Margo, and Jessica are all together)
First girl: Um, excuse me, is this terry juice vegan? Because I’m a vegetarian.
Alec: *grinning and swaying* Well hey there ladies, what’s y’alls name? *puts his free arm around two of them, leaning on them heavily*
First girl: I’m… Elizabeth.
Second: I’m Margo.
Third: My name’s Jessica.
Alec: *takes a long swig of Terry Juice* So, how old are y’all?
Elizabeth: I’m a freshman.
Margo: I’m a sophomore.
Jessica: I’m a freshman.
Alec: No, no, like… *hiccups* How OLD are you?
Elizabeth: 18.
Margo: 19.
Jessica: 17.
Alec: *points at Jessica* Uh, you, go away.
Jessica: What- really? Just because I’m not 18 you’re not going to talk to me?
Alec: *nods* “Yup.”
Jessica: *offended* “Well fine then, I shouldn’t be drinking much more of this stuff anyway because I have softball practice tomorrow. I’m just going to meet everyone else here like a good Communications major then I’ll buzz off. *marches away*
Connor: *Grinning, sticks his head between the two girls currently under Alec’s arm* So, what are your majors?
Alec: Don’t, don’t worry, he just… has a thing with majors.
Elizabeth: Well, since I’m a freshman I’m still undecided.
Margo: I’m a retail major. Duh. No wonder my outfit is on point.
Elizabeth: Hey, is this punch vegan?
Alec: I guess Terry Juice is vegan? Yeah, yeah, it’s whatever you want it to be.
Margo: *steps away from Margo and stares at her* Elizabeeeeeeth, Elizabeth THERE ARE LIZARDS ALL OVER YOU I AM HORRIFIED OF LIZARDS WHY ARE THERE LIZARDS EVERYWHERE *hyperventilating*
Elizabeth: Let’s go sit down, this Terry Juice is getting to you. *guides Margo into the corner where Margo lays down and passes out*
Alec: *rushes over to Margo and poses with a cell phone. SELFIE, THIS IS GOING TO VOL BLACKOUT! *jumps up* HEY GUYS LET’S GO TO COOKOUT! WE’RE GOING TO COOKOUT! YOU DRIVIN’ US NOAH?!
-Everyone looks at Noah-
Noah: *looks around at the inebriation* Duh.
-Everyone except Noah crowds together and starts chanting COOKOUT! COOKOUT! COOKOUT! The chanting slowly fades and everybody slowly falls to the floor-
-Noah nudges Michael’s side with his foot; a long moment passes as he stares at everybody-
Noah: DAMN IT TERRY!… You spiked the punch.

Ballad of the Victorious Conqueror

икона за подарък(This is my English final.) (EDIT: WordPress screwed up my formatting. It sucks now, sorry. Nothing I can do.)

T’was the end of the year

In the way measured by students

They wanted away from here

With all due prudence

It was a day that would never end

Lectures eternal

Thus one chose to send

For an escape that was maternal

He bid adieu

To his many friends

They took the cue

And glared, giving him the bends

The rest remained

Staring with their eyes shut

Til one feigned sickness

Heaving his gut

Another had fled

Filling his classmates with envy

But envisioning a warm bed

They contained the building frenzy

The day wore on

Wearing them thin

After what felt an eon

10 minutes, it had been!

“I cannot survive, I must go now!” a student proclaimed.

“You’re still alive, stay there cow!” a teacher exclaimed.

“I am sure to fall over dead!” he protested.

“Due to lack of brain cells in your head!” the teacher attested.

The sparring continued

the teacher always won

Both sides were rude

Until he announced, “We’re done!”

But then a student rose

And donned his cap

He had a largish nose

And looked like a sap

He challenged the teacher

To one more verbal duel

One final feature

To end school

The teacher laughed

Right in his face

“Are you daft?

“You can’t keep up with my pace!”

“I certainly can,

“And I certainly will!

“Now face me, man,

“And prepare to take ill!”

The battle was long

And often rough

Each was strong

And couldn’t get enough

Terminology and

Etymology and

Phonology and

Philology and

Bibliology and

Characterology and

Codicology and

Demology…

The students could not keep track

Of the flurry of terms

The teacher was called a quack

The student, a can of worms

As a climax was reached

Seething fury flowing

The teacher screeched

“IT’S TIME FOR YOU MAGGOTS TO GO HOME AND START MOWING!”

The bell had rung

As one, all stood

And they all sung

Praise to the hero

Who stood up to the tyrant!

Besting him in every manner,

Equaled by none,

Triumphant conqueror

Of all Englishland!

Over the break

The villain’s house was afflicted

With toilet paper and eggs

Horribly depicted!

And the monster himself

Considered a life of piety

Before saying “screw that!”


And returned to filling student’s lives with fear and anxiety!

T’was the end of the year
In the way measured by students
They wanted away from here
With all due prudence
It was a day that would never end
Lectures eternal
Thus one chose to send
For an escape that was maternal
He bid adieu
To his many friends
They took the cue
And glared, giving him the bends
The rest remained
Staring with their eyes shut
Til one feigned sickness
Heaving his gut
Another had fled
Filling his classmates with envy
But envisioning a warm bed
They contained the building frenzy
The day wore on
Wearing them thin
After what felt an eon
10 minutes, it had been!
“I cannot survive, I must go now!” a student proclaimed.
“You’re still alive, stay there cow!” a teacher exclaimed.
“I am sure to fall over dead!” he protested.
“Due to lack of brain cells in your head!” the teacher attested.
The sparring continued
the teacher always won
Both sides were rude
Until he announced, “We’re done!”
But then a student rose
And donned his cap
He had a largish nose
And looked like a sap
He challenged the teacher
To one more verbal duel
One final feature
To end school
The teacher laughed
Right in his face
“Are you daft?
“You can’t keep up with my pace!”
“I certainly can,
“And I certainly will!
“Now face me, man,
“And prepare to take ill!”
The battle was long
And often rough
Each was strong
And couldn’t get enough
Terminology and
Etymology and
Phonology and
Philology and
Bibliology and
Characterology and
Codicology and
Demology…
The students could not keep track
Of the flurry of terms
The teacher was called a quack
The student, a can of worms
As a climax was reached
Seething fury flowing
The teacher screeched
“IT’S TIME FOR YOU MAGGOTS TO GO HOME AND START MOWING!”
The bell had rung
As one, all stood
And they all sung
Praise to the hero
Who stood up to the tyrant!
Besting him in every manner,
Equaled by none,
Triumphant conqueror
Of all Englishland!
Over the break
The villain’s house was afflicted
With toilet paper and eggs
Horribly depicted!
And the monster himself
Considered a life of piety
Before saying “screw that!”
And returned to filling student’s lives with fear and anxiety!

подаръци

Conversation: I do not think that means what you think it means…

[After discussing an upcoming project, then being released to 'free study' time...]

Teacher: “Noah, Doug, do your work. I know you both have something to do.”

Noah: “But I’m being creative and using my imagination and engineering skills in Minecraft.”

Teacher: “No. That does not count. Do your work here; you can play Minecraft all you want at home.”

Noah: “But at home I have to do my work.”

Teacher: “…”

Doug: “You know, he does have a point.”