London, III.

“Hello? Yes, uh, I’m a student from your tour group.”

I frown, thinking. Stupid body and its unquenchable thirst for water… I walk into a nearby shop. It’s one of the small ones against the outer wall of one of the circular rooms in the tube. Nobody’s inside but the clerk, and it still feels crowded. Sometimes I feel like an American.

“Sorry, but have you got change for a ten-pound note?”

I frown and half-turn, the merchandise catching my eye.

“Do you have change if I buy something?”

I glance at the rack and grab something edible. He gives me a handful of change and mutters something about being sorry. I don’t catch it because I’m striding out. I glance at the tube exits and pick the one that seems most familiar. I end up in Piccadilly Circus, which was quite familiar because I was fortunately there last night. I look around for the nearest bright red phone box. I would use a Tardis-colored booth but they don’t seem to exist in London- all the boxes are red. (This fact is the saddest thing my mom will learn from this trip.) Near a statue of three rearing horses with water eternally spitting out of their mouths I find two phone booths back to back.

I enter, read the instructions, and proceed to waste the next twenty minutes dialing and redialing. See, I copied down our guide’s phone number (unlike everyone else bar two) when she announced it to the group, but she gave us fourteen digits. In the US, phone numbers have at most ten. So (after figuring out how to operate the dang thing) I try the full number. No luck. I take the first number off. No luck. I take the next number, and then the next, until I get to six digits which can’t possibly hold all the numbers of just people in London. I eventually call the operator and ask what I’m doing wrong, I’m using a London phone box, I’m not from here, I’m a bloody stupid foreigner, god help me, or rather you, please, and she informs me that I need to put a zero before the fifth digit. Okay, fair enough. I figured it’d be something like that.

*dial, click*
“Hello? Yes, I’m a student from your tour group.”
“Yeah, when you stopped in the tube to get tickets for the play, I wandered off to find somewhere to fill my water bottle. I came back and you were gone. Yeah- and hey, that was really my fault. Sure, I’ll wait for you here. See ya.”

Macbeth, Act I. Twitter Edition

My English teacher had us write what the characters of Macbeth might tweet. The requirements were one tweet every twenty lines and we had to do all of Act I.
By the way, my English teacher is awesome.


Scene 1.
Practicing the whole ‘tandem mysterious prophesying’ with my girls. – Witch 1

Scene 2.
Sucks to be @McDonwald- almost heir to a billion-dollar franchise, almost king. U mad bro? -Macbeth

Hey @macbeth, thanks for brutally slaughtering my enemies! You’re such a great guy! #atruescotsman -Duncan

Another one? Why is everybody rebelling against me, I’m a great king! @macbeth, if you kill this guy’s armies, you can have his title! #deathtotraitors -Duncan

Scene 3.
All I wanted was some *censored* chestnuts! Is that too much to ask for?!?! #selfishpig
- Witch 1

Hah, we’ll teach that *w*itch a lesson! By horribly abusing her husband! All it takes is a pilot’s thumb, a little chant, and… -Witch 1

Smooth, @banquo. If you can’t tell if it’s a lady or a man, you really shouldn’t comment on the beard. Rule of thumb. -Macbeth

@macbeth Eloquence matters little when I am lesser but greater and not as happy but much happier than you. :P -Banquo

@banquo @macbeth Excuse me, what is this? I expect a thorough explanation of this statistically improbable sentence. -Duncan

@duncan @banquo Nothing, my liege, merely a trifling comment of such petty importance so as to be utterly insignificant. -Macbeth

Direct message from @macbeth to @banquo: Have you thought any about those witches? Btdubs, Twitter autocorrect keeps correcting your name, so I’m gonna call you Banjo.

Haunting prophecies portend terrible things to happen. I need time to think about this… #vaguesubtweet -Banquo

Scene 4.
Note to self: do not place unquestioning trust in any man. Except for @macbeth (luv u!) -Duncan

In light of the wondrous victory by @macbeth today, I announce @malcolm as heir to the throne. Party at @macbeth’s! -Duncan

I am yet closer to my newfound ambitions… I need a good five minutes to think things though, lest I make a terrible mistake. -Macbeth

Scene 5.
@macbeth, I remind you that when you want something, to take it you must be willing to go through with the action. -Lady Macbeth

@ladymacbeth Hon, the king is coming for dinner tonight, dust off the fine china and kill Babe so we might have the finest meat. -Macbeth

@macbeth Of course darling, I’ll prepare a special brew. Remember that ambition and resolve go hand in hand.

Scene 6.
Hail King @duncan, the most benevolent king known to the great Scots! -Lady Macbeth

@duncan favorited @ladymacbeth: “Hail King @duncan, the most benevolent king known to the great Scots!”

Scene 7.
Truly, @duncan is the most noble king of Scotland; angels will weep at any misfortune upon him. -Macbeth

@macbeth -Duncan

@duncan I confess ignorance of this phenomenon, my liege. I’m not quite sure what you mean. -Macbeth

@duncan It’s called a meme, google it.