Macbeth, Act I. Twitter Edition

My English teacher had us write what the characters of Macbeth might tweet. The requirements were one tweet every twenty lines and we had to do all of Act I.
By the way, my English teacher is awesome.

ACT I.

Scene 1.
Practicing the whole ‘tandem mysterious prophesying’ with my girls. – Witch 1

Scene 2.
Sucks to be @McDonwald- almost heir to a billion-dollar franchise, almost king. U mad bro? -Macbeth

Hey @macbeth, thanks for brutally slaughtering my enemies! You’re such a great guy! #atruescotsman -Duncan

Another one? Why is everybody rebelling against me, I’m a great king! @macbeth, if you kill this guy’s armies, you can have his title! #deathtotraitors -Duncan

Scene 3.
All I wanted was some *censored* chestnuts! Is that too much to ask for?!?! #selfishpig
- Witch 1

Hah, we’ll teach that *w*itch a lesson! By horribly abusing her husband! All it takes is a pilot’s thumb, a little chant, and… -Witch 1

Smooth, @banquo. If you can’t tell if it’s a lady or a man, you really shouldn’t comment on the beard. Rule of thumb. -Macbeth

@macbeth Eloquence matters little when I am lesser but greater and not as happy but much happier than you. :P -Banquo

@banquo @macbeth Excuse me, what is this? I expect a thorough explanation of this statistically improbable sentence. -Duncan

@duncan @banquo Nothing, my liege, merely a trifling comment of such petty importance so as to be utterly insignificant. -Macbeth

Direct message from @macbeth to @banquo: Have you thought any about those witches? Btdubs, Twitter autocorrect keeps correcting your name, so I’m gonna call you Banjo.

Haunting prophecies portend terrible things to happen. I need time to think about this… #vaguesubtweet -Banquo

Scene 4.
Note to self: do not place unquestioning trust in any man. Except for @macbeth (luv u!) -Duncan

In light of the wondrous victory by @macbeth today, I announce @malcolm as heir to the throne. Party at @macbeth’s! -Duncan

I am yet closer to my newfound ambitions… I need a good five minutes to think things though, lest I make a terrible mistake. -Macbeth

Scene 5.
@macbeth, I remind you that when you want something, to take it you must be willing to go through with the action. -Lady Macbeth

@ladymacbeth Hon, the king is coming for dinner tonight, dust off the fine china and kill Babe so we might have the finest meat. -Macbeth

@macbeth Of course darling, I’ll prepare a special brew. Remember that ambition and resolve go hand in hand.

Scene 6.
Hail King @duncan, the most benevolent king known to the great Scots! -Lady Macbeth

@duncan favorited @ladymacbeth: “Hail King @duncan, the most benevolent king known to the great Scots!”

Scene 7.
Truly, @duncan is the most noble king of Scotland; angels will weep at any misfortune upon him. -Macbeth

@macbeth http://goo.gl/IMkKbM -Duncan

@duncan I confess ignorance of this phenomenon, my liege. I’m not quite sure what you mean. -Macbeth

@duncan It’s called a meme, google it.