Ballad of the Victorious Conqueror

икона за подарък(This is my English final.) (EDIT: WordPress screwed up my formatting. It sucks now, sorry. Nothing I can do.)

T’was the end of the year

In the way measured by students

They wanted away from here

With all due prudence

It was a day that would never end

Lectures eternal

Thus one chose to send

For an escape that was maternal

He bid adieu

To his many friends

They took the cue

And glared, giving him the bends

The rest remained

Staring with their eyes shut

Til one feigned sickness

Heaving his gut

Another had fled

Filling his classmates with envy

But envisioning a warm bed

They contained the building frenzy

The day wore on

Wearing them thin

After what felt an eon

10 minutes, it had been!

“I cannot survive, I must go now!” a student proclaimed.

“You’re still alive, stay there cow!” a teacher exclaimed.

“I am sure to fall over dead!” he protested.

“Due to lack of brain cells in your head!” the teacher attested.

The sparring continued

the teacher always won

Both sides were rude

Until he announced, “We’re done!”

But then a student rose

And donned his cap

He had a largish nose

And looked like a sap

He challenged the teacher

To one more verbal duel

One final feature

To end school

The teacher laughed

Right in his face

“Are you daft?

“You can’t keep up with my pace!”

“I certainly can,

“And I certainly will!

“Now face me, man,

“And prepare to take ill!”

The battle was long

And often rough

Each was strong

And couldn’t get enough

Terminology and

Etymology and

Phonology and

Philology and

Bibliology and

Characterology and

Codicology and

Demology…

The students could not keep track

Of the flurry of terms

The teacher was called a quack

The student, a can of worms

As a climax was reached

Seething fury flowing

The teacher screeched

“IT’S TIME FOR YOU MAGGOTS TO GO HOME AND START MOWING!”

The bell had rung

As one, all stood

And they all sung

Praise to the hero

Who stood up to the tyrant!

Besting him in every manner,

Equaled by none,

Triumphant conqueror

Of all Englishland!

Over the break

The villain’s house was afflicted

With toilet paper and eggs

Horribly depicted!

And the monster himself

Considered a life of piety

Before saying “screw that!”


And returned to filling student’s lives with fear and anxiety!

T’was the end of the year
In the way measured by students
They wanted away from here
With all due prudence
It was a day that would never end
Lectures eternal
Thus one chose to send
For an escape that was maternal
He bid adieu
To his many friends
They took the cue
And glared, giving him the bends
The rest remained
Staring with their eyes shut
Til one feigned sickness
Heaving his gut
Another had fled
Filling his classmates with envy
But envisioning a warm bed
They contained the building frenzy
The day wore on
Wearing them thin
After what felt an eon
10 minutes, it had been!
“I cannot survive, I must go now!” a student proclaimed.
“You’re still alive, stay there cow!” a teacher exclaimed.
“I am sure to fall over dead!” he protested.
“Due to lack of brain cells in your head!” the teacher attested.
The sparring continued
the teacher always won
Both sides were rude
Until he announced, “We’re done!”
But then a student rose
And donned his cap
He had a largish nose
And looked like a sap
He challenged the teacher
To one more verbal duel
One final feature
To end school
The teacher laughed
Right in his face
“Are you daft?
“You can’t keep up with my pace!”
“I certainly can,
“And I certainly will!
“Now face me, man,
“And prepare to take ill!”
The battle was long
And often rough
Each was strong
And couldn’t get enough
Terminology and
Etymology and
Phonology and
Philology and
Bibliology and
Characterology and
Codicology and
Demology…
The students could not keep track
Of the flurry of terms
The teacher was called a quack
The student, a can of worms
As a climax was reached
Seething fury flowing
The teacher screeched
“IT’S TIME FOR YOU MAGGOTS TO GO HOME AND START MOWING!”
The bell had rung
As one, all stood
And they all sung
Praise to the hero
Who stood up to the tyrant!
Besting him in every manner,
Equaled by none,
Triumphant conqueror
Of all Englishland!
Over the break
The villain’s house was afflicted
With toilet paper and eggs
Horribly depicted!
And the monster himself
Considered a life of piety
Before saying “screw that!”
And returned to filling student’s lives with fear and anxiety!

подаръци

Hon. English II Finals Essay

The prompt went something like this:
“Current research has shown that 12th graders are leaving high school less and less prepared this year. Exit exams have been put into place in many school systems; if the senior does not pass these exams, they will not be allowed to graduate. How do you feel about this? In a well-developed essay, describe whether or not this is a good idea.”

Noah Caldwell (12/20/11)
Hon. English II Midterms

Research has suggested that modern 12th graders are leaving high school less and less prepared each year. In an effort to prevent this, some states require that all graduates pass assigned exams to leave high school. I think this is rather misguided- tests don’t make kids learn, teachers do.
If we ignore the research pointing towards kids not learning very much, we have a basic situation: kids go to school, learn something (hopefully), and go home. Tests are considered an important part of education now, because our society places emphasis on knowing who is better at what (even though you can’t really assign numbers to knowledge or intelligence). The tests are there as a message to kids, teachers, and prospective employers to tell how much this kid understood the lessons in this course.
Now consider the research. It implies that high schoolers are learning less and less each year (or that standards are being raised; in any case, the kids are less prepared). Oh no! Why is this happening? The first step to solving a problem is finding the root of it. Are parents placing a lesser emphasis on learning, or are they accepting poorer results? Are the teachers of a lower quality, or are they teaching more and more every year? Is this just standard deviation that will even out in time? Is the research faulty somehow? Possibly. Any one of those questions could hold the solution to this problem. It seems that the student is being blamed for this: obviously they are not studying enough.
Perhaps that is true- I would certainly believe it. But placing more tests to ensure that high schoolers are learning enough is not an ideal solution, nor a universal one. Many kids simply do bad on standardized tests. Many teachers fail to teach all they are supposed to, but instead teach what the class can understand. I sympathize with them- sometimes the requirements for those classes can be very difficult. Most importantly of all, tests do not teach anything. Teachers teach, and tests test. Sure, if the test is failed, we can sentence the child to another year of high school- but will they really want to stay another year? And would they learn anything new this time around? It is no secret that the vast majority of high schoolers are biased against learning new things (in my experience). If we keep shipping them through the system because they cannot pass our mandated requirements, we have an eventual clog.
A much more effective and longer-lasting solution would be to get kids interested in learning, and then they might put more effort into school. They might even do independent research on a subject that interests them! Instead of talking about how important college is (not to downplay that), talk about how much fun knowledge is, and all the cool things you can do with it! Hold mock trials in Government. Build rockets and bridges in Chemistry and Physics. Predict how far the rockets will go in math. Reenact important events in History, and build software that everyone has interest in (like a city planner, or a simple but addictive game) during computer classes. Build an engine in automotive classes, and play the latest hits in band. The most important thing a kid can learn in high school is that learning is fun, and does not have to be a chore. If they know that, then a teacher’s work will be complete.

About Me

I am (at the time of this writing) 15 years old, and a sophomore at the Knox County STEM Academy (soon to have a real name, I hope). I have many varied interests, from Boy Scouts to programming, reading to video games, and music to writing. I enjoy pretty much every subject- that leads me to believe that I just like learning. I’m more interested in some courses than others of course, but for the most part I’m happy in every class I take (if I have a competent teacher). As a conversationalist, I am sadly lacking. I think (not positive) that I might be a little introverted (not antisocial, introverted- this means I don’t seek out social contact; antisocial means I avoid it). I can talk for a while if it’s about a subject I enjoy, but few are they who I can talk to for any real length of time. Luckily, my family is included in that number.
I joined Cub Scouts in 1st grade, which started my Scouting career. Believe me when I say that Boy Scouts are much better. I went on trips to only four different places over several years- Ripley’s Aquarium of the Smokies (in Gatlinburg), the Knoxville Zoo, Camp Buck Toms, and an unnamed camping area… Somewhere. I don’t know where.